First off, I want to sincerely thank you for giving me guidance on how I should conduct myself.
As you sped past me on the highway in your shiny new Prius, just to cut into the Yugo sized slot between my car and the semi truck in front of me, I was granted the wonderful opportunity to study your philosophy and political leanings up close. You see, they are posted quite prominently all over the posterior of your conveyance for all to see.
I am not quite sure where to start, so I will go right to left. In this case, lets go left to further left as there apparently is no "right". No Prius in Southern California is complete without the "Obama 08" bumper sticker, which in this case you didn't disappoint. It is right there complemented by the "Republicans Suck" sticker posted so cleverly underneath it. I guess this should have been a clear indicator of our time together.
Whoa. You were too busy talking on your cell to notice traffic had slowed, so you have slammed on the brakes. I am glad I wasn't too engrossed in the reading to notice your car is on the verge of doing a nose wheelie. I hope you didn't spill your grande chai latte. How you have managed to hold that and your cell while steering is a feat in itself.
Now that I have installed myself a safe distance behind you, I will continue my reading. NPR was getting boring anyways since Mannheim Steamroller is on a constant loop.
Moving towards the center is your "Coexist" sticker. Bright purple with all the clever religious symbols supplanting the letters of the alphabet. This is a current popular one. I can see by your nose piercing and black lipstick you are a progressive sort. It is easy to see these features since you are now off the phone putting this lipstick on in your rear view mirror at 65 miles per hour on a congested LA freeway. In the rain.
I guess I should hit the license plate frame now. How clever. "I'm Not Self Absorbed, I Am Just Perfect". Wow. I am glad you were able to clarify that. While I was reading that, you changed lanes twice, but somehow ended up back in front of me. Now the space you wedged yourself into had shrunk to "Segway" sized but that wasn't stopping you. I am so glad my brakes work, and the horn. Yup. Black fingernail polish. You confirmed it with the raised middle finger. You are truly talented to be able to flip me off while still clutching your fancy brown cigarette.
Now, onto the right hand side. UC Berkley Alum, eh? I would have never guessed that. Only one sticker left to go. Looks like you have another phone call, so I think I have time to read this one too. Wow. "Free Manning, Jail Cheney". How timely! Is there a liberal bumper sticker factory in your neighborhood? I am glad that was the last one, as the "No Littering" sticker would probably seem silly since your still lit clove cigarette almost flew in my car after you carelessly flicked it out the window. I can literally smell the cloves.
Well, My exit is approaching, so I am going to have to say goodbye. I have truly enjoyed the time we have spent, so closely, together. I am sure I will be seeing you in the comments section on the Hufffington Post.
No comments:
Post a Comment